Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

So sugar and spice and everything nice- that's what girls are made of huh? Sure bet the guy wasn't saying that after a girl hit puberty and realized what happened every month. Today's adventure was derailed by another adventure. I had planned on playing with make-up tonight but instead ended up having to survive an ordeal known as first day of "that time of the month." The ultimate in girl adventures brought to second only by preganancies and sent to third by menopause. But right now, I'm surviving the monthly realization that my uterus is indeed working, however much I wish it would just fall out and leave me alone. But we'll move onto the story bit.
I started off the day thinking, "meh, it happens- I'll just pop some Ibuprofen and a Midol and the world will be good and no one will know." But an hour into work and I swore my nose was going to start bleeding from the sudden drop in blood pressure I encountered. Instant sweating, shaky fingers, pale ghostly skin tinged with green, oh yeah all symptoms I had before my very worried coworkers' eyes. I unsteadily walked to the bathroom and even with my forehead to the cold tiles and my butt in the air in a loose rendition of the yogic Child's pose stance I didn't feel that much better. I really hate going home sick but honestly I would have been in the way at work. I think it's better to just go home and get better so tomorrow I can be at 100% versus toughing it out until I end up passing out or throwing up. And all my coworkers would be worried about me instead of concentrating on work. So I asked to go home, and on the way I picked up a milkshake at McD's. Cuz' milkshakes make everything okay, even feeling like your womanly parts are about to emerge violently from your body and beat you up once freed. Once home I laid on the couch with my feet up and willed my back to stop seizing, my stomach to just shut up, and my body to get a grip on itself. Grudgingly it obeyed me, but backup forces were sent in to secure the rebellious traitors. THANK YOU BAYER-the maker of Midol. And to the scientists who came up with the winning combination, you are truly saints and should be hailed as heroes for the miracles you provide in a woman's monthly life!
So why am I discussing this very sensitive subject? Because I've vowed to become more in touch with my girly side, and it doesn't get more feminine than the organs discussed in Sex Ed classes. Scientifically they are the deciding factor in distinguishing females from males and thus they must be researched and analyzed. And the end hypothesis is: men are right to run away and make themselves scarce at this time. Men-you should be commended for your wisdom. To those brave souls who willingly put themselves in the line of fire from those they love intent of being there to acquire whatever the "little lady" should need, you are also to be hailed (I can't praise your smarts but in merits of courage you are unparalleled).

So as we speak, I have been sitting or in a prone position since noon this afternoon. I am properly dosed on pain meds and am drinking water like it's going out of style. I am hungrily eyeing my emergency chocolate stash like a starved hyena eyes a lumbering elephant and recovering my neutral personality mood. Generally speaking, I an usually good-natured, nice, and friendly ...which all goes to hell once a month when I become sappy, emotional, irate, and generally irriated at my own humanity. I am happy to say I've reached a point where by tomorrow I will be as close to my usual self as I'm liable to get. The ice cream I'm planning on devouring while watching a romantic movie will definitely help! :)

In short, today's adventure has infinitely made me more aware of my femininity and I've embraced my womanhood; as I took a nap in the fetal position I embraced my knees as well! And with my altar of Midol, chocolate, peppermint tea, and sappy movies all set up, I'm ready for whatever happens tomorrow. Or so I pray!