Introduction

Greetings! I am a female specimen of the human race, with all the discernable anatomically correct features in the proper places and yet, I am disinclined to call myself a woman because I hardly ever think of myself as one; in my mind I am foremost a scientist of an almost neutral gender. But it is increasingly dawning on me that such an opinion puts me squarely outside popular culture. Wearing "comfortable" jeans and baggy t-shirts paired with a prudent bun as a hairstyle is resulting in me being chronically overlooked on the dating scene. Men seem to be put off and have no desire to find the curves underneath the wrappings, so to speak. This is unfortunate and has led to me being 30 years old and still single, which quite frankly sucks!

I have been reminded of a song by Aretha Franklin: "You make me feel like a natural woman"- well, it's a beautiful thought but I should not be dependent on someone else to make me feel like a woman. I should just be one and proud of it! No one else can make me beautiful, or happy, or anything really, just myself. But I don't. I get up in the morning and avoid looking in the mirror. I don't see what I like, I see all my flaws. So I brush my hair and look out the window and fix my hair in the same hairstyle it gets most days: up and out of the way in a bun. What's the point of having long hair if I never let it down? I try not to touch my body any more than is necessary because of the plush soft spots that are prone to jiggle if disturbed. I see the slender girls and know...I'll never look like that because let's face it I love food too much! I can be like Catherine Zeta-Jones or Queen Latifah or Sofia Vergara though- I may not be as busty but I can sure be as curvy and unreservedly proud of my figure.

So here it is, my project. I am going to become my greatest science experiment. I will learn to wear makeup to hide my perceived flaws, I will wear tighter and more stylish clothing to remind myself of my feminine figure, and I will try girly rites of passage that I've ignored or avoided in the past, including (eep!) maybe a tanning salon. In short I will follow bits of advice written down by the so-called girl's bible "Cosmopolitan" and other girly type books, and I will conform my body into a version of beauty just like in the Dove soap real beauty campaign. And I won't stop until I perceive myself as beautiful. I am going to endeavor to see myself and my body as it is and not as the white blubber suit I degradingly call it. And if there is some part I don't like- I am going to enhance it (as naturally as possible!) until I see it as amazing.

My ultimate goal is to find a meaningful relationship with that certain (unknown now) someone, but I need to love myself first before I can be with him-whoever he is. And as I am logically minded, I will approach this step-by-step and log my attempts, both fails and successes. I intend to be comfortable with my body and confident with my looks to the outside world. In so doing this, my hope is that my personality will shine all the brighter and help me attract my someone.

That having been stated, this blog may end up being as heard as a whistle in a hurricane but this was the only way I could think of to force myself to change my self-image. And frankly I just blogging as a self-help/ vent session/ adventure log so I don't really need to be followed, but it'd be appreciated.  To whoever you are: if you're like me, know you're not alone; if you're not like me, count your blessings! I hope you are entertained, enlightened, or intrigued by my blog. I know it will be an adventure and I will try to inject some humor for everyone's viewing pleasure. :) So, welcome to my metamorphosis from a chemist to a woman.